Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Conversion Process

Unlike most other religions, what with their rituals and knowledge of holy books and all that, to be a follower of Jimothianism you must only purchase a copy of "The Path To Jimlightenment" and recite the following oath whilst placing your nose on the back cover of the Book to convert:

"I hereby acknowledge and view in a positive light the superiority of JIMOTHY, the creator ODAR, and the Holy Food pudding, and am willing to occasionally tell people about JIMOTHY if I think that JIMOTHY thinks that it will improve their lives."

It's as simple as that. No changing your lifestyle, no tacky ceremonies, none of that. Just a book, an oath, and an acknowledgement. It's things like this that make Jimothianism great.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Levels of Jimothianism- Human

Sadly, many people are not even aware of JIMOTHY and his great power. Followers of Jimothianism call these people Filthy Common People, or F.C.P.'s. These people unfortunately make up around 80% of the world. 

At one level up, we have the Recognizers. These people are aware of JIMOTHY's existence, but scarcely even acknowledge him or, if they do, acknowledge him in a negative way, and thus cannot be considered true followers. Recognizers make up about 10% of the world.

At another level up, we have Followers. These people are aware of JIMOTHY's existence, but still scarcely acknowledge him- what distinguishes them from the Recognizers is that they always acknowledge him in a positive light. Followers make up about 5% of the world.

At the top level, we have the Enlightened Followers of JIMOTHY, or E.F.J.'s. These people are aware of JIMOTHY's existence, acknowledge him regularly and positively, and try to raise awareness of JIMOTHY and his greatness in their day to day activities. Unlike the other three levels, one must be born an E.F.J., as they are able to communicate with JIMOTHY from birth, and you cannot acquire said ability. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot, and I would know, as I myself am an E.F.J., and not an idiot. E.F.J.'s make up the remaining 5% of the world.

These are the human levels of Jimothianism. Beyond that, we have JIMOTHY's invention pudding, then JIMOTHY himself, and then the creator ODAR.